SCREAMS of abused young children coupled with the loud thunder of a belligerent, misguided father, pierced my paper thin walls.
I am a very gentle spirit. Aways looking forward to a peaceful meditation. The sounds of violence were like an electric fence wrapped around my mind. I kept getting shocked. My neighbors behavior was in sharp contrast to my personal way of being. I felt great sadness for this family.
Have you ever had to confront an abusive parent?
Have you witnessed or experienced these horrors?
Please share with us in the comments section below
Struggling with how to handle this situation, I wanted dearly for the children to live happy lives. I also longed for the pleasant sanctuary of my own space. I once had quiet. Since these new neighbors moved in I switched my meditation room to the other side of my house. Now my meditation space was as far from their adjoining wall as I could get it. This was better, but the boom of the fathers voice could travel 5 miles.
Being a musician I am very sensitive to sound. I am in the habit of listening very intently. It is second nature. I have spent years training my ears. Violent noises are upsetting. While digging into my standard multiple hour meditation practice I would be jolted out of serenity. I had to do something to protect these children and preserve my sanctuary.
What is the best way to confront the father?
How violent is this person?
How do I ensure my own safety while attempting to help this family?
Chris, the youngest child, would eagerly await my return from teaching yoga class. His mother told me I was like a part of their family. She informed me he would watch out the front window. When he saw me pull up in my Scion xB he would cheerfully announce my arrival.
“Charlie’s home! Charlie’s home!”
The abuse was probably less when I was home. The father, no doubt, self corrected, because I would confront him or notify the authorities. I had to be careful when dealing with this family because I was afraid for my own well-being as well as that of the poor children. The father once even threatened me directly for interfering. I’ll never forget his exact words,
“People live longer when they mind their own business.”
How awful?!?!
I had visions of being struck from behind with a crowbar. I was afraid of walking outside my own house and being assaulted while my back was turned. That way he could continue living this nightmare. I quickly discovered that it is very difficult to get serious action to take place concerning child abuse in Baltimore County. The authorities kind of sweep it under the rug. I suppose they feel they have more urgent needs to attend to. What they may not realize is, that it is more likely that those abused children grow up to be even worse violent offenders.
You can imagine the difficulty of maintaining a spiritual practice under these circumstances. Particularly since I had not yet studied Seneca and the stoics at this point. Perhaps if I was aware of these teachings I could have dealt with the awfulness a little better.
I continued working on my music and making recordings. I had to throw out several peaceful tracks on my album because you hear violence in the background. I was, however, able to complete a few tracks while living there. These songs represent a triumph over pain and suffering. I did what I could to protect these children, attempting to understand the tormented history of the father. Protecting myself and maintaining my creative projects, and spiritual practice, is also important.
Eventually I moved away from that neighborhood to start a spiritual center with a buddy of mine. It was the most curious thing. While I was moving some boxes onto my front porch, the father came out specifically to talk to me. He requested that I pose for a photograph with the youngest child. He wanted a picture for Chris to remember me. That bit of tenderness touched me. It also confused me. I suppose that, even though they were resistant, they inevitably were grateful for my intervention and influence on the family. Over the course of a couple years the physical abuse lessened to almost nothing. That is a win. However the hollering and verbal abuse never seemed to end. I can only hope that this particular father was a little better than his father and the one before him. I assume he was abused as a child. The abused often become the abusers.
Do you have an experience with child abuse or abuse in general? Sharing your experience may help shed light on other peoples lives. Have any insights that can help make us better humans? Please share share it in the comments section below.